I’ve got trouble with the wife again – she came into the bar
looking for me and I asked for her number
Mar
17
joke of the day
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Nov
03
- Gmail.com
- youtube.com
- nfl.com
- addictinggames.com
- miniclip.com
- nytimes.com
- jerusalempost.com
- news.google.com
- google.com/translate
- ansheisfard.com
May
07
A blond, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire
herself out as a “handywoman” and started canvassing the
neighborhoods. She went to the front door of the first house
and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
“Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,” he
said. “How much will you charge me?”
The blond quickly responded, “How about $50?”
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything
she would need was in the garage. The man’s wife, hearing
the conversation, said to her husband, “Does she realize
that our porch goes all the way around the house?”
He responded, “That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?”
The wife replied, “You’re right. I guess I’m starting to
believe all those dumb blond jokes we’ve been getting by
e-mail lately.”
A short time later, the blond handywoman came to the door to
collect her money.
“You finished already?” the husband asked.
“Yes,” the blond replied, “and I had paint left over, so I
gave it two coats – no extra charge.”
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and
handed it to her.
“And by the way,” the blond added, “it’s not a Porch — it’s
a Lexus.”
May
04
Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?”
Bob said, “You know, I bet he’ll jump..”Fu
The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, “You’re on!”
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, “Fair’s fair. Here’s your money.”
Bob replied, “I can’t take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news, and so I knew he would jump.”
The blonde replied, “I did too, but didn’t think he’d do it again.”
Bob took the money…
Apr
20
i am sooooooooooooooo tired and its really not helping having to sit in class and pretend your listening
Apr
01
Two senior couples are walking along, wives in front, husbands in
back. Herb says to Sam, “Gee, we went to a new restaurant last night
and had the best meal ever. Good prices too.”
Sam says, “Well, we like to eat out too. What was the name of the
restaurant?”
Herb says, “You’ll going to have to help me out here a little. What’s
the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, grows on a thorny bush?”
Sam says, “How about rose?”
“Yes, yes, that’s it!” cries Herb, then calls ahead to his wife.
“Rose. Hey, Rose. What was the name of the restaurant we ate at last
night?”
Apr
01
A bus driver on his route sees a van from the zoo stranded on the side of the road. The zoo worker offers the bus driver $100 to help him deliver two dozen penguins. The bus driver agrees and loads the penguins on the bus.
An hour later, the zoo worker gets his van fixed and heads to the zoo. On the road, he sees the bus driver and the penguins driving in the opposite direction. He catches up to the bus and pulls them over.
The zoo worker yells, “I gave you a $100 to take the penguins to the zoo for me. Why are you still driving them around?”
“Calm down,” the bus driver says, “I took the penguins to the zoo. We had change left over, so now I’m taking them to the movies.”
Mar
29
what do you call a teacher who dosent fart in public
a privet tut-er
Mar
23
A man is driving on a road doing forty when he sees a 3 legged chicken running along side the car he sppeeds up but the chiccken is still there as he is about to speed up again the chicken takes off he pulles over at the side of the road and sees a farmer he asks “you will never belive what i just saw a 3 legged chiken doing 50″ ,he says i know it belongs to me see me my wife and my son all like eating drum sticks so i started raising 3 legeed chickens the mans says thats amazing how do they taste he says “i dont know we havent caught one yet.”
